My new hobby

Manipulating every picture I take~

Finding old Pictures~

Have you ever found an old picture of yourself and wished
you could go back in time and tell yourself that you were OK~
I was given some old pictures recently and this one was
in the stack. I sure wish I could tell that girl to be happy..
I thought I was SO ODD..
I was to tall, to fat and already looked
"girlie". I LONGED to be one of the normal girls.
I hated how I looked~ I think this picture was one
of the early *I wish I was different* pictures..
If only we could go back and tell ourselves to enjoy~

PS..
I am OK and not going crazy..lol If you know me well
enough you know.. :) it's not a Crisis just a thought~

every now and then

Every now and then I think I must have something really wrong with me~


(I must.. with posting an extreme close up~ it's for those of you who want to know my eye color.)


I am so happy in our life and I love my kids so much!

Here's the deal, I think I go from one big thing to the next... I get myself so wrapped up in what I "have" to do.. whether it is for:

Our little family, our extended family, our friends, our church, our lives, kids school, Rune's work, having to read all the facebook updates, needing to make a clever comment on a pals blog.. ETC~

I get totally involved. AND lol I am not a side line worrier.. I am a full fledged, should get paid for it worrier.. Here is my every now and then moment..
Sometimes I get so involved that I some how make myself sick ~ for instance.. this summer started out with Trek

and I was SO excited and knew it would be a life changing moment.. It was~ Just not the one I thought it would be. Heat Stroke right off the bat~ We get home and start recovering from that.. Sam is off to Cub Camp

and Rune starts teaching Summer school,

and I gear up for my new hobby, the one that might give me purpose..


Photography..

I get into it and play with some gals that I have followed for about 3.5 years I totally am digging it!
All of a sudden Katie has a heart issue~

My whole world then revolves around that, and how to not let her be sick or finding out what it is.. DAYS AND DAYS of worry are spent on this, during the same time I am trying to be a good YW leader and trying to help in ways that I can with Camp..

I spend hours and hours worrying about it going off. During this same time Rune has had more working hours than one person should have..

and he is still not complaining~(And to think there are men who won't take care of there own kids.. Rune is caring for every kid in the whole town it seems~)Kate has a birthday



in the middle of camp so I must have a party for her before because in my imaginary world Katie is going to die and I must make this the best birthday ever~ (if you know me well enough you know it is true.)

Then there were the weekly visits Katie had to the hosp.. in there toss in Rune having Strep and Lilly having it then my dad..

Then it is Ward Camp out time.. I must make this good because the kids did not have a fun summer (with the heart and the trek and Rune working more than ANYONE wants to and being sick) I feel the need to pack like we are going for 5 years rather that 24 hours! LOL (SO TRUE) by this point I have become a crazy version on myself.. the ultra competitive one that has to be the best mom the one who has thought of everything.. (I should tell you by this point in the summer our house NEEDS a maid) then I get Strep.. BUT, I can not let Rune go camping with my children by himself.

so I go because I can do anything~! (except keep myself together) we have a fun time~ ;) next thing I know.. I am offending people who I think I am friends with.. Then we have to go home and get ready for my Dads 80th birthday party..



so crazed~ Then the next day we had to take Katie to the children's hospital to find out exactly what is really wrong with my sick baby girl.. guess what, it's just SVT.. "Just teach her how to be CALM" the head cardiologist guy says to me~ LOL LOL LOL He must be looking at some different MOM~ so YAY she is ok.. now get the kids ready because school starts in a few days Frantically buy the kids their school stuff... why are there no Pink Pearl Erasers?? Then get the new life schedule together so kids can have the calm life we want them to have.. Find time to do some laundry?? and the kicker.. I am still sick..lol

I really need to find a way to not always be frantic.. (after all I am supposed to teach my Katie how to be calm..lol) I am just not sure what it is that needs to give. I am so glad that I have been able to keep my anxiety problems down really well, but.. I have not figured how to do it and keep up with the rest of my life. I am not in a ball crying! BUT, I am not sitting in a comfy chair, in a clean house reading either~ (have I mentioned I deemed September as no eating out month.. Maybe this is one of the ideas that should have gone..lol)



How do people do it? Every now and then I think I might need to stop and have that break down I think I am destined to have.. LOL Then again every now and then I think.. I am ok.. Take me or leave me.. I hope you take me.. cause I am in need of positive moments~lol

P.S.
LOL..Did you miss my ramblings? You might not get another post for 3 months..lol sorry~